OK, that starts with E. I know, shut up already! But it sounds like X… right? Right??

Look, X is a hard letter. If you’re going to make an issue out of it, I could have written what would probably have been a very boring, but edifying, post on xylophones. Did you want to continue arguing about the etymology of Exes? No? Good, cause I’m sure I still have that xylophone post around here somewhere….

Anyway, I thought it would be more humourous, or at least more entertaining if not more edifying, to devote this post to the stupid things exes say. 
  • We can have ‘no strings attached’ sex – no, no you can’t. At least one of you is still emotionally connected to the other, and this is simply impossible. If that emotion is now more hate than love you definitely don’t want that person anywhere near your sensitive parts;
  • I spent two days in a hotel room with her but we didn’t have sex – honest. Pull the other one, mate, it’s got bells on. Anyone will even a modicum of intelligence will not believe you.
  • Why don’t you trust me? I can’t imagine. Do you think it might have something to do with all the other men/women/both that you had sex with during our relationship and/or marriage and forgot to tell me about?
  • Look, it’s magic! A rabbit with no rabbit hutch! Don’t ask me. This one is dead set true. The guy bought his kids a rabbit but no rabbit hunch. He had the vague notion the rabbit could just wander around the house. When announcing this to the ex, she had to buy the hutch in the interest of the kids. A true forehead slap moment.
  • You are no longer the most evil woman in the world. Technically this was said by a guy to his ex after he’d gotten a new ex. Presumably this was because his most recent ex now had this status. Isn’t this the thing you always wanted your ex to say to you? Personally I think I’d rather stick with ‘most evil woman in the world’ status. At least it has a ring to it. 
  • You know that friend you bought to the party last month. What was her phone number again? Total class act. What can I say? Anyone with half a brain should bne able to spot the problems with this one.
  • Text message from ex’s best friend “Your ex gave me your phone number”. Wow. Well, at least I know what he thinks of me. I broke up with him, and I guess that was a good move! A backhanded way of insulting someone. If you really want to insult someone, I suggest you just say it to their face.
So what stupid things have your exes said to you?


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