Most pregnancies don’t look like this…. Or not for very long.
My friend recently directed me to this post. After having a laugh, I told her I could have come up with 50 reasons before labour even starts. 

So I thought I had better deliver, and here are my 50 reasons, in no particular order. Some of these may be funny – others not so much.
  1. Swollen feet;
  2. Cankles;
  3. Not knowing if your favourite shoes will ever fit again;
  4. Not being able to put your own shoes on;
  5. Not knowing if your favourite jeans will ever fit again;
  6. Being woken in the morning by excruciating leg cramps;
  7. Sinusitis – because who doesn’t love a nose that drips like a tap?
  8. A persistent cough for three months because of sinusitis;
  9. The disgusted looks people give you becauseof the cough because they are afraid you will infect them with your non-infectious sinusitis;
  10. Feet like yesterday you spent all day at a show or fair – even first thing in the morning, and even if you spent the last 24 hours lying down;
  11. Not being able to stand long enough to brush your teeth;
  12. Sore knees;
  13. Round ligament pain – I do so love the feel of a hot knife shoved into my lower abdomen;
  14. Symphisis pubis dysfunction;
  15. Not being able to stand, sit, walk or lie down without being in pain;
  16. Not being able to sleep for more than 1.5 hours at a stretch for 9 months;
  17. Waking up because your hip is numb and needing to completely reconstruct your bed and the dozen pillows you’re sleeping with before being able to roll over;
  18. Waking up because your hip is numb and you need to pee and then needing to reconstruct your bed;
  19. Needing to kick your husband out of bed for 5 months because there’s no room for all of you;
  20. Breathlessness;
  21. Pregnancy-related carpal tunnel syndrome;
  22. Having to strap your wrists every night before bed;
  23. Sexy compression stockings;
  24. Not being able to put your sexy compression stockings on unassisted;
  25. Needing help getting in and out of the shower;
  26. Needing help in and out of your house;
  27. Not being able to cut your own meat;
  28. Not being able to turn a doorknob;
  29. Passing out on the train;
  30. People who sit on you on the train;
  31. Upper back pain;
  32. Lower back pain;
  33. Twice weekly visits with the chiropractor;
  34. People who say ‘But think about the miracle of life you are creating!’ – somebody pass me that half-brick in a sock;
  35. Low blood pressure;
  36. High blood pressure;
  37. Pre-eclampsia;
  38. Deep vein thrombosis;
  39. Constant exhaustion;
  40. All-day sickness – and not being able to take anything for it;
  41. Reflux;
  42. Indigestion;
  43. Excessive fluid retention;
  44. Stretch marks;
  45. Hair – in all the places you never wanted it. Black hair;
  46. Nose bleeds;
  47. Bleeding gums;
  48. Linea negra – that line up the middle of your stomach;
  49. Melasma – or pregnancy mask;
  50. Haemorrhoids.
So there you have it, 50 reasons before you even get to labour. And for anyone wondering, yes I can personally attest to most of those – certainly the worst ones. 

Most women don’t get this big, but see the look on her face? See it? THAT’S pregnancy.

Here’s some bonus childbirth reasons;
  1. Induction;
  2. Having your waters artificially broken;
  3. Syntocinon drips;
  4. Pethidine;
  5. Being told you can’t have an epidural because an anaesthetist isn’t available;
  6. Having your husband sent home after being induced so you can both ‘sleep’ – HA!
  7. Overlapping contractions;
  8. Not progressing;
  9. Ceasarean section;
  10. That first time you get out of bed aftera caesarean section.
If you missed it, check out my post on the mythical origins of werewolves.

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